Back to Bayside...

As a kid, I was kind of a t.v. nut.  Not that I didn't get outside or anything, but I probably watched way too much of what my grandpa lovingly called "the idiot box."  However, when I look back and recall ceratin "staple" shows I loved when I was a kid, it's impossible to deny that they do bring back some really warm, comfortable memories.  I remember wanting to be He-Man or wishing I could control Voltron.  I remember wishing a cat-eating alien would land in my backyard and basically move in as I watched A.L.F.  Friday nights when I was in junior high were awesome because of T.G.I.F. on ABC where the lineup was Perfect Strangers (remember Balki and cousin Larry?), Full House, Family Matters, and Step by Step.  Think back to great ones like Mr. Belvedere, Who's the Boss?, Webster, Silver Spoons, and Growing Pains and you've got a blueprint for the perfect sitcom, right?  Oh, and don't forget the ultimate...the never-to-be-released-on-DVD juggernaut that was...The Wonder Years.  Great stuff; what a shame they'll never be able to re-license all that awesome music from that one for DVD sales.

Still, there's no denying that one show from my youth stands head and shoulders above all of them.  What show?  Saved by the Bell!!!

It was cheesy, overidealistic, and is as locked into one period of time as a show could possibly be. There's also the weird final season of the series involving what's been termed "The Tori Paradox," but I forgive and forget. Yet, despite it's faults (time-outs to talk to the camera, shoddy dream sequences, lots of awkward dancing), there's something so awesome about it that made me rarely miss an episode as a kid and still keeps me watching when it's on now that I'm an adult.  I have pretty much watched every episode multiple times and can tell you basic plotlines of about all of them (note: While I do recognize Good Morning, Miss Bliss as part of the SBTB canon, I do not affirm SBTB: The College Years or SBTB: The New Class; those are like t.v. heresy).  Confession: this passion for SBTB probably came mostly as a side effect of my childhood ambition to be Zack Morris.  I lost the sweet hair, but did marry a girl named Kelly; close enough, right? 

As I was recently enjoying a touch of Bayside High on DVD, I decided to compile a countdown of my favorite six episodes of the show along with some thoughts on each.  If you have Netflix, it is expected that you, as a responsible reader of my blog, will watch them and report back.  Heck, throw in your own list if you want!! 

#6: The Fabulous Belding Boys

• Basic Idea: Principal Belding's bro, Rod, comes in as a substitute in a class the kids have to pass so they can go on a field trip.  Rod's so uber-cool he let's them all out of the test AND offers to take them...wait on it...WHITE WATER RAFTING!!!  Only hitch is that on the day they're supposed to leave, Rod bails on the kids for some stewardess...jerk..  The elder Belding steps in to save the day in his loser brother's stead and the kids learn who really cares about them.
• Awesome Because: Richard Belding is clutch, Rod gets sent packing.  Oh, and this video.
• Memorable Quotes: Screech says: "If you want scenery baby, wait till you see me in a wet t-shirt," to which Lisa replies: "Only if it means you're drowning."  Classic Lisa burn.  OR Principal Belding owning his bro: "I'm tired of covering for you. Get out of my school, Rod."  Boom.  Eat it, Rod.

#5: The Prom

• Basic Idea: There are two prom episodes, this is the first of the two.  Kelly chooses Zack over Slater to take to the prom, but there's a problem (isn't there always a problem?).  Kelly's dad loses his defense job when peace breaks out.  Kelly gives her dad back the money he gave her for her prom dress, but can't tell Zack the truth as to why she has to break their date.  Zack finds out and sets up their own prom outside the gym while everyone else dances to horrible music that proves the show had no music-licensing budget. 
• Awesome Because: Zack and Kelly were the precursor to Ross and Rachel.  Also, Belding harasses two kids for dancing too close and later the girl totally disses the guy by spending the last dance with some other dude!  Epic fail, Gnardino (or Mancuso, it never specifies who was who).
• Memorable Quote: Jessie to Slater: "Do you realize we haven't argued in 15 seconds?" Slater's reply: "It was 20; shut up."  Smooth, A.C. ...smooth.

#4: Rocumentary

• Basic Idea: Zack and the kiddos have a band (The Zack Attack) and are practicing when record exec. Brian "Fate" happens by and nabs them up.  They're whisked off on a rock journey to the top of the charts until the token Yoko Ono convinces Zack he's the most important part of the band.  Tensions rise, Zack starts dressing like a glitzier Vanilla Ice, and they break up.  Eventually the friendships are restored and the band reunites.  However, the entire ride was just a dream...or was it?
• Awesome Because: Casey Kasem narrates, The song "Friends Forever" was spawned.
• Memorable Quote:  Sorry, but the song stands head and shoulders above anything said in the episode.

#3 S.A.T.'S

• Basic Idea: Zack, a chronic C student at best, blows the top out of the SAT, which isn't a problem outside of the fact that his score far surpasses that of straight-A student, Jessie.  This throws her into a fit as she becomes convinced she'll never get into Stansbury, her dream school, which is now actively pursuing Zack as a recruit.  Zack hires an actor to come to a college fair as if he were a Harvard recruiter.  He feigns great interest in Jessie in an attempt to up Stansbury's interest in Jessie.  Jessie sniffs out the ruse and declines Stansbury's offer (apparently learning that there are plenty of other schools out there).
• Awesome Because: I also had bad grades, but good standardized test scores.  Obviously SBTB is to blame for programming me as such.
• Memorable Quote: Stansbury rep.: "We've always considered ourselves the 'Harvard of the West'." James, the actor replies: "Madam; north, south, east or west, there is only one Haaaaarrrrrrvvvvarrd!"  OR Slater with this NCAA red-flagger: "Boy, it's a good thing I didn't tell her [Stansbury] offered me a car."

#2: Home For Christmas Parts 1 and 2

• Basic Idea: It's Christmas and the gang get mall jobs.  At the mall, Zack falls for a young girl working at a clothing store.  He later finds out this girl is homeless while visiting a homeless man, who happens to be her father, at the hospital after he'd passed out in the mall.  The young lady ends up being accused of stealing later on due to a misunderstanding.  Eventually, the mistake comes to light and mean ol' Mr. Moody, who'd accused her of stealing, learns a Christmas lesson.  Zack's father even gets the homeless man a job, a true Christmas miracle!  Strangely, the girl then never shows up in any future episodes.  Guess that job didn't stick.
• Awesome Because: A mashup of fifty other Christmas specials with the perfect amount of SBTB cheese factor drizzled on top.  Delicious.
• Memorable Quotes: Zack w/ this odd one: "You see, I don't really know that much about the homeless people." THE homeless people?  What are they, some strange, obscure culture with their own language, holidays, customs?  Keep it P.C.,  Zack.

And the Big Winner Is.....

#1: Jessie's Song

• Basic Idea: Undoubtedly the most quoted episode of SBTB ever, this gem focuses on Jessie's addiction to DRUGS!!! Well, actually just caffeine pills.  Jessie is under tremendous pressure due to her inability to comprehend geometry and her involvment in the Zack Morris-managed trio, "Hot Sundae."  To cope with all the pressure, she turns to some No-Doze pills which Slater repeatedly warns her against.  The night of a big performance by "Hot Sundae," Zack comes to pick Jessie up, but she wigs out and sings the most famous line in SBTB history. The girls sub Screech in, the performance flops, but friends remain friends and a life lesson is learned.
• Awesome Because: So much to say...The Hot Sundae video, Jessie's odd behaviors after taking a test and practicing for the big performance, THE famous line!!!!
• Memorable Quote: Jessie singing, "I'm so excited!!! I'm so excited!!! I'm so...scared!!!"

I hope you've enjoyed reading about (and perhaps reliving) a few of these great episodes.  Some folks don't care for SBTB, but I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for ol' Bayside where kids make mistakes, but always learn a valuable lesson in the process...and everybody actually seems to be "Friends Forever."

Effective Score: 13/10 based on that last sentence which is cheesier than any episode of SBTB could ever hope to be.